Thursday, October 25, 2012

Gosh, I guess you want more!?!

I have come to realize that I didn't give you a ton of details on my health/surgery.
The reason for that is, my blog has been for fun things, family, and girl stuff.  I like to talk about things I love, and not myself.  I like to throw in some humor and be light and interesting {at least I hope I am}.  But, after receiving messages and emails from so many of you, I realized you want to know more, you care, and I can write about this....what would it hurt?!  Maybe, in the end, it will do some good. 

If you know me outside of know, I would rather talk about you.  I'm the girl that will ask about you and check in and tell you how I can relate, but I don't like to have it be all about me.  It can be a little, but not a lot.  I save that for my closest friends and my husband.  However, you are asking, you care and I have stated before...I would want this little blog to be a place where I can influence you for the good.  So, if you don't care or want me to be an influence for good in your life, I guess you can close out the window on this blog, or never open a post going forward.  Long story short, I am learning that you like to know me on the inside and I should not care if I am boring you with my crap.  And isn't that life?  It's not always good.  Get ready, this might turn into a book.

I went for my yearly last Friday.  I had had some issues with not being able to empty my bladder last Spring and had some spotting here and there over the last couple of months.  No pain really.  He did an ultrasound a found a cyst the size of a baseball.  Now, I love my doctor.  You need a good gynecologist?  Dr. Eric English is his name and it's crazy how many women go to him that I know.  He has this thing where when he is trying to figure out what is wrong with you that he gives the entire spectrum.  It's good.  It's bad.  It's horrible, actually.  Cuz, your mind can the places, you wish it wouldn't.  He said, there isn't blood flow in the cyst, so that's good.  Cancer in a cyst usually has blood flow.  But, he said that word, he went there.  He suggested a hysterectomy.  I am done with having babies and this could be the answer to my urinating issue.  He will use the "da Vinci" process.  You can go ahead and Google that.  Overall, it's less invasive and much faster recovery.  

Cysts are super common, ladies.  After talking with lots of you, I realize this is common.  However, its a big that I hope doesn't burst while I wait for my surgery date....cuz I hear the pain from that is horrible.  I probably don't have cancer, right?  But, your mind goes there.  Especially when you have a Mom that had breast cancer and hasn't been the same ever since.  

He will biopsy it while I am under anesthesia....and the results will determine his next steps.  The goal is to get rid of the cyst and my uterus, but keep my cute little ovaries so I don't go into menopause.  If he gets a bad report, that's when he will look further and take more if necessary....lymph nodes and stuff.  I don't want to Google that, cuz I can't go there right now. 

Part of me didn't want to tell anyone.  Of course I told Brandon and some friends and my Mom.  When you start telling people, the anxiety can set in.  People have concerns, questions and stories of what they have heard.  It's all well and good, but it's information that I have in my cute little brain now.  I don't like to be a focus.   

I am learning.  I want to encourage you to go to your yearly exams...whether you are having sex or not, whether you have babies or not, just go.  And don't wait to go till there is a problem...cuz I didn't have pain.  I have symptoms.  Now, I have knowledge too.

I didn't think having the surgery was a big deal until I told people.  Yes, I went for my yearly and was in shock of what's inside me...but, I thought no more periods!  No more birth control!  No more still thinking there was a chance I could get pregnant!  But, I'm still a little scared.  Scared of what I don't know....and how you can be going about life and stuff like that hits hits all of us, doesn't it?

And this is where I can hope to be some help to you.  I have a peace and a calmness about this surgery, this issue.  I know it's not in my hands.  It's in the hands of my Maker and my doctor.  Two people I have faith in.  I have faith in their level of experience in the things of life.  Most of all, I know I have friends that are the "praying" kind.  They love me and have lifted me up and put my surgery date on their calendar.

I have a husband of little words, but he has had more hugs for me lately.  He has made it clear that he is the one who wants to care for leave his work for a bit and wait on me.   That gives me peace too.

{From "Love Actually", you gotta see that movie!}

So thank you to you friends, who have concerns and offer to help
with my babies and my husband.  

Thanks to those who have reached out and told me you love
me...cuz I knew you did, but now I know more that you do.

Thanks to those who have said they will pray.
I find it helpful to ask people what they want me to pray
for when they are in need.

I can get specific for you.
...that I continue to bring this to God.
....that I have less fear and anxiety
...that it is a standard procedure and I wake to a good report.
....that I keep my cute little ovaries.
.....that I keep on letting you in, cuz you have let me in now, in some way


Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing! I needed this. I haven't had an exam in, oh, about 4 years. Guess my next appt. should be sooner rather than later.

wright said...

Suzanne, thanks for being open and willing to share. I had no idea any of this was/is going on, and now will definitely be praying for you. I have seen several DaVinci procedures and think you are doing the right thing. Love and prayers to you!


Mary Timmers said...

I'm related to you, so thank you for opening up! You are loved, by God and so many others. You are giving the people in your life a chance to care for you and that's a gift to them!

Love you, Baby Girl!


Alissa said...

Love you Suz. You are in great hands with Dr. English - a total wiz in the OR. Sending prayers your way.

Unknown said...

You are an inspiration, Suzanne. And, to answer your comment about maybe blogging about this will do some good. Well, it has had an impact for me. Your spirit, pictures, personality and WORDS are exactly what I need. Many, many prayers your way. -Amy

Leah said...

Suz, Dr. English is the best! He was also my doc. And even more trustworthy is the Great Physician who holds you in the palm of His hand. God is going to draw you to Himself through this. He can make all situation work together for good. Love you and praying!

barbara woods said...

saying a pray for you

Summer said...

I missed this post and I wish I hadn't because I would have been praying.

You are an amazing brave mama, and I know without a doubt that you are in Gods hands.

Love you! xoxo

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